Monday, 23 April 2012

Talking of Balls...

So its Monday  - one of the crappiest days of the week in my opinion but a little bit of laughter sunshine has come my way all thanks to Amazon and this product:

As you know Amazon is a great tool for getting some honest reviews on products before you shell out your hard earned cash therefore I advise your man folk to read the reviews on this product before buying - for example:

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.) "

"3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children"

"Not since Steve McQueen entered the 'Towering Inferno' has a human object burnt so intensely.
I applied the cream to my spuds and within 24 seconds my orbs were throbbing.
Imagine being dragged naked down the autobahn in Germany behind an F1 car. That is exactly how my seed sack felt.
On the plus side, my nuts are totally foliage-free. On the down side Ill never be a Father."

"5.0 out of 5 stars Do not put on back passage
As a 24 year old male I suffer from having an incredibly hair anal passage, one could possibly argue that there there is probably more hair on this region of my body than my armpits.

A word of warning though people, PLEASE DO NOT Veet for men on your anus. I did this myself and learned the hard way.

Using veet for men has ruined my life, and I now can only walk with the aid of a walking stick.

It was a Monday evening and I was fed up of my anal bush, so I decided to take evasive action.
Before long my entire butt hole was plastered in the stuff. I thought everything was ok until I thought I could smell smoke, I frantically ran into the kitchen in case I had accidentally left the hob on, but to my horror I caught my naked reflection in the mirror and the smoke seemed to be coming from my arse.
I ran the tap until the sink was full and sat in it crying and sobbing from excruciating the pain, I then limped sheepishly into the bathroom to have a proper look and yes, it had worked, my anal bush was gone!

So yes Veet for men did everything it said it would do, but just to pre-warn any of you folk who suffer from an unusually hairy back passage, I would stick to scissors in the future"

"Nuts Like Marbles, 22 April 2012
In vain I tried to get my pebble sack to be completely hair free. No matter what I did there was always a hint of stubble down there that itched my nadger bag and would frequently snag on my shorts! You cannot imagine the looks I would get when I would pop my hand down there whilst loosening myself up or having a scratch. It's as if people have never seen a teacher with their hands down their pants in work!
So there I was squatting over a belt sander, stonks just inches from the whizzing power tool, when I was suddenly made aware by everyone in B&Q that there was a solution! Veet for Men!
So off I went, purchased a tube and slapped it on like I was icing a cake and at first all was well. But soon after, by golly gee willikers, I felt like I had just tea bagged a barbecue! I can never listen to Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire again without tears forming! However, after giving them a thorough hosing down I was immensely surprised to find not a single hair left! Smooth as a freshly polished otter and as slippery as a tabloid editor!
I cannot tell you the relief of having my cargo rolling loose around my undercrackers. The sense of freedom is astonishing. The pain only lasted a couple of weeks and I was only in the burns unit for a few days!"

If you fancy a good old laugh then check out the rest of the reviews HERE

I'm wondering if I should get hubby a tube for this birthday...

Big Love

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Saturday Song #2

Saturday again! Can you believe how April is flying by?  I'm still trying to get my head around the new blogger format.

Today's song is by 'The Cat Empire' who I discovered on my backpacking adventures through Australia for what seems like many moons ago.

This song never fails to make me feel happy. You know that song you have that evokes memories, this is the one for me. This was my care free years - no job, house or children, just me, hubby (before marriage) two bags of clothes and a lonely planet guide :o)

I have adored this band ever since I saw them play a free gig at a Jazz festival at Darling Harbour in Sydney. The atmosphere was crazy good. The band played on a floating stage on the harbour surrounded by water. When this song was played the lads in front of me stripped off their clothes, ran through the few rows of people in front of us, dived into the water and started swimming towards the stage. The crowd were cheering them on to reach the platform before the security rescue boat hauled them in, one lad made it to the side of the stage but then tried pulling himself up on an electric cable.  The boat pulled them all in (boos rang out from the crowd) and the band had to announce the danger of such action and the voltage going through the cables...the next song start and so did the people jumping in the water :o)

You know a band is amazing when their fans are willing to fry themselves for a good tune.

I'll leave the description of their music to the band themselves:

"Where hip-hop meets reggae, where jazz is played with dirty hands, where a Cuban line meets an Aussie rule, where nothing seems in place but sounds like many places played in one earthy chord. This is the island where THE CAT EMPIRE was born. (Written by the band in 2001)"

 What is your happy memory song is?

Big love

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Saturday Song

Its Saturday so there is no better reason to share some of my favourite tracks.

 Today its the queen of Rockabilly - Wanda Jackson.  This is one of my all time favourite songs and if I could sing this would so be my karaoke track.

Did I mention its great for those "Pissed off" moments too ;o)

Enjoy and let me know what you think

Big Love

Friday, 13 April 2012

Crafty moment

This week I managed to get my crafty arse on.  I am a complete hoarder of reusable shopping bags/totes. They are located in numerous places around my house and I'm never without one for my car booting/charity shop outings.

So it was time to pretty up my boring supermarket Jute bag with a bit of Cath Kidston fabric I've have knocking about for ages awaiting a good use...

Cue a bit of kitsch bowage ;o)

Bit better than before and I managed to cover the crappy supermarket logo:

The funny thing is that since I've made it I've had a couple of people putting orders in for one.  Here comes my dragons den business plan and my first million.... ;o)

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.

Big Love

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Easter Anniversary

Happy Easter to you all my lovelies! I hope you are all round bellied from all the yummy chocolate eggs and good Easter food ;o)

So today is not just an Easter celebration for me, its also my 3 year wedding anniversary to hubby.  We took a little trip today to this not so shabby place:

Anyone recognise it from a popular TV programme? 

Yes its Highclere Castle made famous recently because of a  certain 'Downton Abbey' TV show ;o)

There was a charity Easter egg hunt today in the grounds with lots of crafty stalls and side show games.  I'm a sucker for a tombola and came away with a stuffed cat toy (I will not make you all shudder with a picture of said cuddly toy - however Finley loves it).

The castle really is beautiful and its not far from my home town so I think another visit will be needed to really take it all in.

So before I go I have to say a huge happy anniversary to my lovely (and very accepting of my tat buying tenancies) hubby. I know on my last years wedding anniversary post a couple of you asked for more weddings pics so here's a couple more:

Hubby looking overly surprised at the camera in his face.

And I cant leave you without a cheesy smooch one:

Eek enough of the soppy pictures. Hope you have all had a fabulous Easter weekend.

Big Love

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Sunshine Shopping

Hello my lovelies!  What a beautiful week of sunshine we have had.  Sorry I have been absent again from blogland I've spent most of my week out of home in the sunshine (had a week off work)  - maybe I'm becoming a bad weather blogger ;o)

So its coming up to Easter which means one thing - boot sale season kicks off - hoorah! I'm very excited about this as the local all year one here has been bloody rubbish. The only thing worth checking out was this amazing Duce Coupe:

It's called Cherry Blossom and has "Cherry Blossom" stitched across the interior seats - a real bad ass girl hot rod, I dream to own one, although not sure where the child seat will fit ;o)

I also discovered a little gem of a place in Newbury called the "Clothes Warehouse". It is basically a huge barn filled to the brim with second hand clothes. They call it a clothing recycling centre, but after chatting to a lady who works there I found out that they actually pay to empty the charity clothing bins you see around and they then sort and sell on the clothes. There was so much vintage there:

 However I didn't know if I felt easy at first with the fact that people had donated their clothing to these charity bins thinking they are going direct to the charity. They are probably completely unaware that a company actually buys the items by the bag load and sells them on for a profit. 

 But then again its not so different as us buying clothing from jumbles and charity shop and selling it on eBay for a profit, so I got stuck in! What do you think about it?

Also Newbury boasts 12 charity shops! How have I not been shopping in this town before?  The best had to be this little Salvation Army charity shop with a fabulous location on the river:

It was hidden down an alley but what a treat. The ladies who worked there were so lovely, telling me they were the cheapest charity shop in Newbury and they weren't wrong. I didn't see an item of clothing in there priced over £2.50.

I haven't had a chance to photo any of my latest buys but hopefully I'll get my arse into gear and get my blogging mojo back on track.

I'll be doing my rounds to catch up with you all over this week :o)  I've missed you!

Big Love