So its Monday - one of the crappiest days of the week in my opinion but a little bit of laughter sunshine has come my way all thanks to Amazon and this product:
As you know Amazon is a great tool for getting some honest reviews on products before you shell out your hard earned cash therefore I advise your man folk to read the reviews on this product before buying - for example:
"DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS,
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.) "
"3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION,
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.
However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children"
"Not since Steve McQueen entered the 'Towering Inferno' has a human object burnt so intensely.
I applied the cream to my spuds and within 24 seconds my orbs were throbbing.
Imagine being dragged naked down the autobahn in Germany behind an F1 car. That is exactly how my seed sack felt.
On the plus side, my nuts are totally foliage-free. On the down side Ill never be a Father."
"5.0 out of 5 stars Do not put on back passage
As a 24 year old male I suffer from having an incredibly hair anal passage, one could possibly argue that there there is probably more hair on this region of my body than my armpits.
A word of warning though people, PLEASE DO NOT Veet for men on your anus. I did this myself and learned the hard way.
Using veet for men has ruined my life, and I now can only walk with the aid of a walking stick.
It was a Monday evening and I was fed up of my anal bush, so I decided to take evasive action.
Before long my entire butt hole was plastered in the stuff. I thought everything was ok until I thought I could smell smoke, I frantically ran into the kitchen in case I had accidentally left the hob on, but to my horror I caught my naked reflection in the mirror and the smoke seemed to be coming from my arse.
I ran the tap until the sink was full and sat in it crying and sobbing from excruciating the pain, I then limped sheepishly into the bathroom to have a proper look and yes, it had worked, my anal bush was gone!
So yes Veet for men did everything it said it would do, but just to pre-warn any of you folk who suffer from an unusually hairy back passage, I would stick to scissors in the future"
"Nuts Like Marbles,
In vain I tried to get my pebble sack to be completely hair free. No matter what I did there was always a hint of stubble down there that itched my nadger bag and would frequently snag on my shorts! You cannot imagine the looks I would get when I would pop my hand down there whilst loosening myself up or having a scratch. It's as if people have never seen a teacher with their hands down their pants in work!
So there I was squatting over a belt sander, stonks just inches from the whizzing power tool, when I was suddenly made aware by everyone in B&Q that there was a solution! Veet for Men!
So off I went, purchased a tube and slapped it on like I was icing a cake and at first all was well. But soon after, by golly gee willikers, I felt like I had just tea bagged a barbecue! I can never listen to Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire again without tears forming! However, after giving them a thorough hosing down I was immensely surprised to find not a single hair left! Smooth as a freshly polished otter and as slippery as a tabloid editor!
I cannot tell you the relief of having my cargo rolling loose around my undercrackers. The sense of freedom is astonishing. The pain only lasted a couple of weeks and I was only in the burns unit for a few days!"
If you fancy a good old laugh then check out the rest of the reviews HERE
I'm wondering if I should get hubby a tube for this birthday...