Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Once Upon a Time..

Today is 'National Tell A Fairy Tale Day'.
 I'm not sure who made this day up but if it gets children reading and adults enjoying and sharing fairy tales of their own childhood with their offspring then it cant be bad. It was also nice to hear fairy tales being discussed on the radio (which is how I found out about this little day).

When I was little I was given a copy of 'Dean's Gift Book of Fairy Tales'

Published in 1967 it was full of crazy, colourful and slightly sinister illustrations of all the best loved fairy tales.  I remember being quite scared by a particular illustration of the genie in Aladdin

No fluffy bunny images for 1960s children.

How about Hansel and Gretel

 Oh yes those poor sad eyed children who starting tucking into the ginger bread house of an old witch.  Hansel of course gets put in a cage and his sister is forced to cook food for her brother to fatten him up so the witch can have a hearty meal of young boy. All wholesome fun.

And we all love a witch in a fairy tale, how about this horned, bat winged minx from Sleeping Beauty:

There is also the two dandy robbers from Babes in the Wood who were paid to take the children away and kill them (not a very PC start to a children's story):

But don't despair, "Jane and Thomas thought the robbers looked very gay, with their colourful clothes and feathered hats" and rightly so, the kindest of the robbers decided not to kill them but to leave them in the woods instead.   Just don't read this one to children with separation anxiety.

My original copy of this book was given away many moons ago so I was chuffed to bits to find a copy of it in a charity shop. I will be sharing a fairy tale with my son this evening at bed time, although I might not scare the bejesus out of him with Aladdin's genie though *wink*

What is your favourite childhood fairy tale?

Before I go, I would like to say a massive thank you for your comments on my last post. I was welcomed back into blogland a treat. To be honest i was touched that you still had my blog on your read lists.  I'm so happy to be back in touch with all my bloggy friends so big love to you all.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

BOO! Guess who!

Hello my lovelies! Look who's back from the dead ;o)

I'm sorry for the huge blogging break, life got in the way but one main excuse for the break was ...

 Yes I'd like to introduce you to Poppy!  The new addition to the Fontaine home :o)  She was born 2nd January 2013 two weeks early.  I had to be induced due to a  rare (ish) condition i developed in pregnancy called obstetric cholestasis which they found out about at 37 weeks and promptly had me induced at 38 weeks.  Once they got the drip in and broke my waters labour went pretty damn quickly as she was out in 75 minutes, arriving at 9:45pm!  So if any of you are fans of 'One Born Every Minute' then that Wednesday when you were watching the start of the new series, I was in pushing action and hubby was getting the live show!

So life has been pretty busy with a manic 2 and a half year old and a newborn to contend with!  I will of course tell you more when I get some more time to give you a full up date of my missing months.  But till then will leave you with these couple of pictures of Poppy which we had done by the bounty lady who launches herself at you on the labour ward ready to cash in on the new parent daze.  As Poppy wasn't nearly as "squashed" looking as Finley was after birth, and as the pictures were pretty cute, I succumbed to buying them.  But hey after remembering how painful labour was it will be the last time the bounty lady gets hold of my cash ;o)
Well I have now a whole load of catching up to do on all your lives, I hope you are all well.  Its going to take a few weeks  days to get round you all as its a bit of a time juggling act at the moment but hopefully you will forgive me.
Big Love!

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Sunday Funday and a few knobs

Hello! How are you all doing? Hope you have been enjoying the freaky heatwave we have had.  The weather is looking a bit dodgy for the weekend which is rubbish.

On Sunday instead of shopping at the boot sale I actually got my crap together and did some selling in the declutter 'sell our house' misson.  It was very therapeutic to get rid of so much stuff and as the weather was fabulous I had lots of buyers!  I've still go enough stuff indoors though for about another 100 boot sales so going to hopefully do another one soon.

Being stuck on the stall meant I didn't get to overhear much of the good stuff but i did get one particularly creepy buyer. A middle aged man wearing a dirty anorak in the hot sun bought a pair of my peep toe shoes making sure 'they had been worn' along with a Ministry of sound exercise dvd.  I shuddered with a vision of him sniffing my shoes while watching girls get sweaty on screen *blugh* But hey a sale is a sale ;o)

I also went to a 20th Anniversary Sunflower Fete at the St Michael's Hospice here in my home town.  Its a charity close to my heart as my dad was in the hospice for a little while before he died.  As a fundraiser they had a Sunflower 'in memory' appeal whereby you could make a donation to have a wooden painted sunflower planted in the hospice gardens in memory of a loved one.

We've had a little sunflower put in the garden for my dad.

And of course it wouldn't be a great British fete without the power of the morris dance:

They were so dynamic they had to surround the performance space with an orange plastic barrier ;o)

So i didn't get to buy any booty items to show you all but i did pick up a pressie for a friend of mine who has everything:

You cant go wrong with a quintessential great British knob for the jubilee weekend ;o)  It does say on the back however that size of knobs may vary - such is life!

Don't even get my started on on the smutty puns my husband has come out with regarding eating said humbugs...

Righto I better see what you all have been up to.

Have a fabulous bank holiday weekend.

Big Love

Saturday, 19 May 2012


Hello my lovelies!

Sorry for my impromptu break from blogland, I haven't forgotten you all but had a couple of weeks feeling unblogworthy. I haven't been to the boot sales due to the crappy weather and the charity shops have had not a sausage worthy having. I also haven't had any time to do anything crafty so felt like I didn't have much to blog about.  I also wouldnt want blogging to become a chore.

A week in the Isle of Wight has sorted me out though, we got back yesterday and the break was much needed. Not to mention that the charity shops on the Isle of Wight are blooming brilliant! Gone were the pretentious displays of arty farty new goods, there were just selves full of goodies piled up everywhere, ideal for the rummaging urge :o)

Due to lack of space in the car I was unable to bring back all the stuff I would have loved to rehome (not to mention the fact I am on a declutter mission which has halted my buying prowess). I did however manage to sneak two items in:

Vintage leather Gladstone style doctors bag - £3

Pretty silver plated teaspoons x 6 - £1.99.

Well a short post from me, I will hopefully try and get back into posting at least once a week.  I will also of course be doing the rounds to catch up with you all.

Big Love

Monday, 23 April 2012

Talking of Balls...

So its Monday  - one of the crappiest days of the week in my opinion but a little bit of laughter sunshine has come my way all thanks to Amazon and this product:

As you know Amazon is a great tool for getting some honest reviews on products before you shell out your hard earned cash therefore I advise your man folk to read the reviews on this product before buying - for example:

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.) "

"3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children"

"Not since Steve McQueen entered the 'Towering Inferno' has a human object burnt so intensely.
I applied the cream to my spuds and within 24 seconds my orbs were throbbing.
Imagine being dragged naked down the autobahn in Germany behind an F1 car. That is exactly how my seed sack felt.
On the plus side, my nuts are totally foliage-free. On the down side Ill never be a Father."

"5.0 out of 5 stars Do not put on back passage
As a 24 year old male I suffer from having an incredibly hair anal passage, one could possibly argue that there there is probably more hair on this region of my body than my armpits.

A word of warning though people, PLEASE DO NOT Veet for men on your anus. I did this myself and learned the hard way.

Using veet for men has ruined my life, and I now can only walk with the aid of a walking stick.

It was a Monday evening and I was fed up of my anal bush, so I decided to take evasive action.
Before long my entire butt hole was plastered in the stuff. I thought everything was ok until I thought I could smell smoke, I frantically ran into the kitchen in case I had accidentally left the hob on, but to my horror I caught my naked reflection in the mirror and the smoke seemed to be coming from my arse.
I ran the tap until the sink was full and sat in it crying and sobbing from excruciating the pain, I then limped sheepishly into the bathroom to have a proper look and yes, it had worked, my anal bush was gone!

So yes Veet for men did everything it said it would do, but just to pre-warn any of you folk who suffer from an unusually hairy back passage, I would stick to scissors in the future"

"Nuts Like Marbles, 22 April 2012
In vain I tried to get my pebble sack to be completely hair free. No matter what I did there was always a hint of stubble down there that itched my nadger bag and would frequently snag on my shorts! You cannot imagine the looks I would get when I would pop my hand down there whilst loosening myself up or having a scratch. It's as if people have never seen a teacher with their hands down their pants in work!
So there I was squatting over a belt sander, stonks just inches from the whizzing power tool, when I was suddenly made aware by everyone in B&Q that there was a solution! Veet for Men!
So off I went, purchased a tube and slapped it on like I was icing a cake and at first all was well. But soon after, by golly gee willikers, I felt like I had just tea bagged a barbecue! I can never listen to Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire again without tears forming! However, after giving them a thorough hosing down I was immensely surprised to find not a single hair left! Smooth as a freshly polished otter and as slippery as a tabloid editor!
I cannot tell you the relief of having my cargo rolling loose around my undercrackers. The sense of freedom is astonishing. The pain only lasted a couple of weeks and I was only in the burns unit for a few days!"

If you fancy a good old laugh then check out the rest of the reviews HERE

I'm wondering if I should get hubby a tube for this birthday...

Big Love

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Saturday Song #2

Saturday again! Can you believe how April is flying by?  I'm still trying to get my head around the new blogger format.

Today's song is by 'The Cat Empire' who I discovered on my backpacking adventures through Australia for what seems like many moons ago.

This song never fails to make me feel happy. You know that song you have that evokes memories, this is the one for me. This was my care free years - no job, house or children, just me, hubby (before marriage) two bags of clothes and a lonely planet guide :o)

I have adored this band ever since I saw them play a free gig at a Jazz festival at Darling Harbour in Sydney. The atmosphere was crazy good. The band played on a floating stage on the harbour surrounded by water. When this song was played the lads in front of me stripped off their clothes, ran through the few rows of people in front of us, dived into the water and started swimming towards the stage. The crowd were cheering them on to reach the platform before the security rescue boat hauled them in, one lad made it to the side of the stage but then tried pulling himself up on an electric cable.  The boat pulled them all in (boos rang out from the crowd) and the band had to announce the danger of such action and the voltage going through the cables...the next song start and so did the people jumping in the water :o)

You know a band is amazing when their fans are willing to fry themselves for a good tune.

I'll leave the description of their music to the band themselves:

"Where hip-hop meets reggae, where jazz is played with dirty hands, where a Cuban line meets an Aussie rule, where nothing seems in place but sounds like many places played in one earthy chord. This is the island where THE CAT EMPIRE was born. (Written by the band in 2001)"

 What is your happy memory song is?

Big love

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Saturday Song

Its Saturday so there is no better reason to share some of my favourite tracks.

 Today its the queen of Rockabilly - Wanda Jackson.  This is one of my all time favourite songs and if I could sing this would so be my karaoke track.

Did I mention its great for those "Pissed off" moments too ;o)

Enjoy and let me know what you think

Big Love